Horror of Horrors!

Monty Python, the school snake gets

Loose in our House!

I was ambling in Pittsburgh's "District" neighborhood with Greg Goluska, trying to find a place to go to dinner. My cell phone rings and a breathless Kathy starts yelling into the Phone.... "Monty's Gone! He's loose in the house! We can't find him anywhere!"

I try and calm Kathy down so I can piece together whatever she was saying. And then I understood.... Riley School's pet Ball Python named Monty, who Brett was supposed to be watching for the summer, got loose somewhere in the house! So here's the whole story.....

After years of a strict ‘No Pets’ rule around the house, Kathy, in a weak moment agrees to let Brett bring home the 4 foot school python ‘Monty’ for the summer. Monty is pictured above, round Brett's neck, helping him with his homework.

Over the summer, Monty would require 3 separate feedings of a ‘live medium rat’ procured from the local pet store. I witnessed the first feeding and about passed out.

Unbelievably, toward the end of Monty’s stay, Brett forgets to secure the top of Monty’s pen and he disappears somewhere in THE HOUSE. No one can find him! Kathy calls the teacher and tells him the story and Mr. Wilson, replies that if Monty gets into the Walls of the house we will NEVER find him.

On or about the 3rd morning since Monty went missing, we find that our bust of Curly Howard, which was on the Toilet Tank of the Sports Room Bathroom, is now smashed in pieces on the floor! So Monty must be downstairs, right?

7 sleepless nights later Kathy still sees no sign of the blasted reptile. She invites all the neighborhood kids in the house, promising them a PlayStation if they can find this snake. Alicia, our maid is promised a bonus if she can locate the reptile. All of them come up empty.

Finally, after so much time has passed we figured that Monty would be starting to get hungry. So we baited Monty with ‘live medium rat’ #3 in a newly purchased $50 rat cage complete with exercise wheel.

Lo and behold, Kathy and I come back from a Royal Melbourne party the next weekend and what do we find but that Monty has returned - sitting atop the terrified rats cage trying to get inside for dinner.

That night Monty consumes Rat #3 and in the morning is packed up and headed back to school before the school term starts, as Kathy has pretty much had it with the summer snake-sitting assignment.

How about that hijinx?

Taking no chances, Kathy secures the top of Monty's Lair

until she can get him back to school.